These are things people actually said in USA courts, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY - Are you sexually active?
WITNESS - No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY - What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS - A Gucci sweater and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY - This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS - Yes.
ATTORNEY - And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS - I forget.
ATTORNEY - You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY - What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS - He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY - And why did that upset you?
WITNESS - My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY - Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS - We both do.
ATTORNEY - Voodoo?
WITNESS - We do.
ATTORNEY - You do?
WITNESS - Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY - Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS - Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY - The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS - Uh, he's twenty-one.
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ATTORNEY - Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS - Are you sh#ttin' me?
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ATTORNEY - So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS - Yes.
ATTORNEY - And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS - Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
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ATTORNEY - She had three children, right?
WITNESS - Yes.
ATTORNEY - How many were boys?
WITNESS - None.
ATTORNEY - Were there any girls?
WITNESS - Are you sh#ttin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY - How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS - By death.
ATTORNEY - And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS - Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
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ATTORNEY - Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS - He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY - Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS - Guess.
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ATTORNEY - Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS - No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY - Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS - All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
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ATTORNEY - ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS - Oral.
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ATTORNEY - Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS - The autopsy started around 8:30 P.M.
ATTORNEY - And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS - No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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ATTORNEY - Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS - Huh...are you qualified to ask that question?
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ATTORNEY - Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS - No.
ATTORNEY - Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS - No.
ATTORNEY - Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS - No.
ATTORNEY - So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS - No.
ATTORNEY - How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS - Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY - I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS - Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
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